Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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