rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
