You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
