She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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