Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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