nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
