2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
