If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
