don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
