I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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