Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
