adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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