The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
