great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
