a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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