Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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