He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
