We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole