its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?