I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head