I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.