dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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