I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i've created a new STD.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
