Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
