Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
