I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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