he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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