her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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