Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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