i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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