you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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