I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
