So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
