just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
