The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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