When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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