he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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