It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.