Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does