oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it