whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.