i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
