You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.