I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.