you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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