Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.