Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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