he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
