8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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