I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
