youre lurking in front of me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
