margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
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You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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