Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
