How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
