He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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