wakey wakey hands off snakey
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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