I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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