this boner is exhausting
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
