So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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