She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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