sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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