Cold hands, warm shart.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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