Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.

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  (832): i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week. http://tfl.nu/mv1q
  Replies (64) Good night (1025) Bad night (10857)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.

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  (917): Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date. http://tfl.nu/r3cq
  Replies (17) Good night (750) Bad night (6510)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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  (425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t
  Replies (19) Good night (3738) Bad night (963)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.

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  (608): They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes. http://tfl.nu/mn0w
  Replies (9) Good night (3554) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.

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  (912): Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up. http://tfl.nu/ccc0
  Replies (4) Good night (4224) Bad night (747)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.

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  (262): We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college. http://tfl.nu/yagx
  Replies (7) Good night (3973) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

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  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (4103) Bad night (1047)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies

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  (636): If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies http://tfl.nu/2ary
  Replies (3) Good night (977) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She has a lazy eye!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  My other option is a hardwood floor

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  (765): She has a lazy eye! (317): My other option is a hardwood floor http://tfl.nu/pxwj
  Replies (8) Good night (551) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.

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  (248): What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy. http://tfl.nu/0mlh
  Replies (14) Good night (2313) Bad night (916)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.

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  (513): I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote. (513): I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now. http://tfl.nu/2ikr
  Replies (17) Good night (731) Bad night (1616)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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  (+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv
  Replies (9) Good night (3010) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC

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  (418): I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC http://tfl.nu/grmc
  Replies (12) Good night (831) Bad night (1338)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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  (505): He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable. http://tfl.nu/iadb
  Replies (4) Good night (231) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.

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  (619): I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs. http://tfl.nu/h2q5
  Replies (5) Good night (599) Bad night (289)

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