I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.