You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
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After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
