I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.