Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

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  (765): my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes. http://tfl.nu/hrf7
  Replies (8) Good night (4368) Bad night (616)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5379) Bad night (862)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"

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  (860): she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner" http://tfl.nu/hbdd
  Replies (38) Good night (5905) Bad night (661)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.

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  (614): just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch. http://tfl.nu/9ahk
  Replies (81) Good night (6286) Bad night (1216)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.

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  (781): tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner. http://tfl.nu/1bdt
  Replies (20) Good night (837) Bad night (6478)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

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  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6526) Bad night (999)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him

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  (541): he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him http://tfl.nu/38fg
  Replies (6) Good night (4300) Bad night (1106)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

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  (724): I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that. http://tfl.nu/ze20
  Replies (22) Good night (4150) Bad night (995)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!

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  (913): I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?! http://tfl.nu/fugu
  Replies (67) Good night (1971) Bad night (4633)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...

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  (410): I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely... http://tfl.nu/3vo6
  Replies (3) Good night (1665) Bad night (838)
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  (951): View more from California

  We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.

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  (951): We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question. http://tfl.nu/23so
  Replies (13) Good night (1955) Bad night (690)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Birthday success

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  (479): I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick. (870): Birthday success http://tfl.nu/9sf8
  Replies (4) Good night (1449) Bad night (614)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.

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  (425): I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet. http://tfl.nu/8dod
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (296)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can't help that I bring out the sex in people

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  (518): I can't help that I bring out the sex in people http://tfl.nu/k6ds
  Replies (1) Good night (782) Bad night (308)
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  (716): View more from New York

  As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"

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  (716): As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on" http://tfl.nu/an67
  Replies (5) Good night (419) Bad night (701)

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