Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
