No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.