I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize