remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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