I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
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Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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